I miss New York City.
I don’t mean to miss the city, I really don’t. While I was there, for the entire month that I lived there and the few days I visited again, I didn’t like it. I felt stifled, lonely, surrounded by something I couldn’t quite name; there was an all imposing force that weighed me down and kept my chest heavy and my heart hurting.
Some might even go so far as to say I hated it…
Applying for jobs can be a huge drain on self confidence. After many, many applications that go nowhere, doubt creeps in. Is it me? Is my resume not good enough? Is there a typo in my cover letter? Is all of the experience I’ve accumulated just not enough for this position? Am I such a colossal screw up that no one wants to hire me for anything?
Or is it just that I’m not in the right location?
Every person has a chance to make something of themselves. To enjoy their life to the fullest, and to inspire others, even on a small scale. I am one of a million legacies left behind by Maya Angelou.
I don’t know how many times I’ve read that poem. It hangs in the English department at my university, a door away from an artistic cover of The Wizard of Ozby Frank L. Baum and right across from my thesis adviser’s office. So I’ve stared at it, taken it in, read it and reread it and thought about it, recited it for no reason other than the musicality of it stays in my head long after I’ve left…
The interview did not go well. Or, at least, I don’t think it went well. Only the future will know if it did. It is hard for me, and I assume it is the same for a lot of recent graduates and students, to tell how well an interview goes especially if it is over the phone. There have been times in the past when I know I’ve rocked an interview, when I know I’ve completely bombed. (An example that comes to mind? We finished our interview in 15 minutes with the vague “You’ll hear something soon” and I never heard back. We both were painfully aware that I was failing.) Selling myself over the phone is hard.
What is it about the future that scares us so? That leaves us frightened and shaking, nervous about what will come next, about what the day after tomorrow after tomorrow brings?
Shouldn’t we all just be able to accept there are things we will never know? That what happens next is just forever blank? Shouldn’t that be easy?